PEREGRAF
When Ali discovered that his wife was cheating on him, his only hope was that the court would protect his legal and financial rights.
"I doubted her because she didn't care about me and there were a lot of phone calls. I knew she was in contact with another man," Ali told Peregraf, asking that his real name not be used because of the sensitivity of the issue.
"I don't know why my wife betrayed me. I devoted my whole life to her and my children," he added.
Eventually, Ali and his brother were able to catch his wife and her lover red-handed at his house and alerted the police. They were arrested on charges of violating Article 377 of the Iraqi Penal Code, which criminalizes adultery. If found guilty, perpetrators can be sentenced to prison.
However, a husband can also be found liable and imprisoned under the law if the adulterous act took place in his home. This condition applies in Ali’s case, even though he is the aggrieved party.
To try to avoid a prison sentence, he has enlisted the support of the Kurdistan Men’s Union.
"Ali saw that he was being betrayed by his wife and he chose the right way, understanding that his wife should not [be harmed] for her mistake, but handed over to the law instead," said Burhan Ali, head of the Kurdistan Men's Union, told Peregraf.
The Kurdistan Men’s Union says it is dedicated to protecting the legal rights of men in domestic disputes and addressing their mental health needs.
According to statistics from the Union, approximately 90 men in the Kurdistan Region have killed themselves over the past 18 months or more than one per week. Twenty-one men ended their lives in the first half of 2022 and three others were killed by their wives or an accomplice. Sixty-eight men killed themselves in 2021, according to the Union.
Burhan Ali told Peregraf that many of those cases were the tragic result of difficult economic circumstances, with men who felt under stress to uphold the traditional responsibility of providing for their families.
Other suicides were motivated by depression related to social media misuse, the breakdown of marriages, custody battles over children, homelessness, and other kinds of disruption to family life.
There are around 300 organizations in the Kurdistan Region that advocate for women’s rights, an issue that requires intense, urgent attention. Approximately 1,000 women have died as a result of gender-based violence in the past decade, according to previous investigations by Peregraf.
But domestic violence and family life are complex and men are victims as well. The Kurdistan Men’s Union says its goal is to address their needs.
Acts of violence against both men and women are covered by the Kurdistan Region's Combating Domestic Violence Law No. 8 of 2011, which imposes prison sentences of up to three years and fines of up to 5 million Iraqi dinars ($3,400) for violations.
"There are dozens of women in the reform prisons who have been punished for killing their men. Most of the crimes are related to changing social attitudes and it’s no longer in the control of government agencies," lawyer Karzan Karim told Peregraf.
Kawa, who asked that his real name be withheld, is also working with the Kurdistan Men’s Union to help resolve a custody battle with his estranged wife over their two children. He had a previous marriage, which also ended in divorce.
He says he attempted mediation with his former partner under the auspices of the Directorate of Combating Violence against Women (DCVAW), but she walked out of the meeting. Their divorce case is currently being adjudicated by the court, but is afraid he might be arrested if he appears at a hearing.
"My wife will obey her mother and sister and they will decide our lives. They keep giving me excuses," Kawa told Peregraf.
"They threatened me and expelled me from home. I've been sleeping in my car for four months and they won't let me see my children," he added.
According to statistics from the Kurdistan Men's Union, 31 men were forced out their homes by their families last year. The group is particularly worried when this happens to elderly men.
"These men are expelled and forced to stay in the hotel or we will keep them in a retirement home with our help," said Union head Burhan Ali, adding that they are assisting between 35 and 50 men over 50-years-old.
The Union is aware of at least 219 other men who are being denied visitation rights.
There are hundreds of fathers who will pay 150,000 to 400,000 Iraqi dinars ($100 to $270) for alimony payments, "but they won't see their children six months after separation," said Burhan Ali.
Social researcher Sada Ahmed believes that "gender-based organizations…should change the way they work in order to raise the awareness of men and women at the same level regarding their duties and rights.”
"They should make working on families the center of their efforts. If men and women are not separated from each other, they each consider themselves heroes and they commit violence against the other as soon as they split," Ahmed told Peregraf.